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You love your mother, and you know that she needs more of your time now that she is older. In fact, you may even be willing to let go of any issues that you had in the past in an effort to cultivate a better relationship now that you are an adult. Sadly, it's possible that your mother has begun to lay on the guilt whenever she feels as though something does not go her way. While her comments and reactions may leave you hurting, you can use these strategies to keep your relationship on good terms while also making it clear that you will not put up with guilt trips.
Try to Demonstrate Empathy
The first thing to remember is that your mom may not be fully aware of what she is doing. While you may interpret her comments as meaning that you are not doing enough, she might be speaking out of fear. For example, she may worry that you don't stop by often enough because you don't love her. She may also be afraid of growing old alone. Let your mom know that you understand how she feels, and gently remind her of the things that you do to help her out on a regular basis.
Remember Your Priorities
You are an adult who is likely juggling multiple roles. You may be working, raising kids, and trying to maintain a healthy marriage. All of these things are also important responsibilities for you to handle if you want to be your best self. While your mom may occasionally seem to forget this, you should keep it in the forefront of your mind. Remembering that you are doing your best helps to counteract the guilt whenever your mom tries to bring it on.
Explore Ways to Change Your Relationship
Now that you are in a caregiving type role, it may be time to reassess how you and your mother communicate. Naturally, you should still be respectful of her status as your elder, but you may need to find ways to help her accept that she cannot always tell you what to do. Try sharing a guilt trip article with her to open up a dialogue about what you are going through. If she's open to it, then you might also invite her to join you for a professional counseling session where you can work on your reactions to your changing roles. If she won't go, then consider going alone. Learning how to change your reactions to your mom's guilt trips is the first step toward ending the negativity.