When you lose someone that is close to you, getting past the grief can be difficult and can take a very long time. So, how to you get past that grief without it consuming you? When I lost my husband to a car accident, I struggled for months trying to find my footing. I missed a lot of work, couldn't pay my bills and had a difficult time getting out of bed each morning. That was until I began going to grief counseling. This was one thing that I never thought that I would do, but it has helped me in so many ways. To learn about some of the tools that I have been using to get past this difficult time, visit my website.
Newly divorced couples feel a mixed range of emotions. You may blame yourself, your ex-partner, or even others for your divorce. The most common emotions may be any of the following: anger, resentment, low self-esteem, guilt, failure, or fear. Rather than keep these feelings bottled up, you should deal with them head on.
Anger is one of the first emotions felt when a relationship ends, particularly if it is unexpected or involves someone else. You may direct this at your ex-partner.
Your anger needs release in a safe environment. Physical aggression may offer temporary relief. Feel free to go in a secure location: shout, scream, and throw things if necessary. Exercise is a great way to deal with stress. You can redirect your anger towards going to the gym, kickboxing, or bike riding.
Dealing with Resentment
You may feel resentment for your ex-partner for turning their back on the life you have built. Remember that you deserve for someone to love you out of choice, not obligation. You may feel resentment that your partner could leave your children. They will be what gets you through. You will want them to feel secure, so focus on them. They need you now more than ever.
Tackling Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is common. Don't question your worth; instead question other people's ability to see it. Take some time for yourself to do things you want to do, especially when the children are with your ex-partner. In front of a mirror, say five positive things about yourself every single day.
Feelings That You've Failed Your Children
Some people define their sense of self-worth via how well their marriage is. They also define how well they are raising their children based on a two-parent household. So it's natural that you may feel as though you've failed your children once you file for a divorce. However, you must remember that you are still in your child's life. You being happy will enable you to continue to make them happy.
Coping With Fear
You may be fearful of the future and of being alone. Focus on the present. Managing this situation will give you strength and independence to take forward. If your mind and heart are open, you will be able to let others in over time.
It will take time and strength to manage your emotions. Don't fight them, but work through them one at a time. Allow family and friends to help you, and focus on the positive things in your life. It may be a good idea for you, your ex, and children to all seek the assistance of a family counselor (at Andover Counseling Center or another company) to get you through this initial rough patch.